Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
In America we have the best politicians money can buy.
Will Rogers
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"I could never understand why a man would spend $50,000 to get elected to an office when the job only pays $3000 a year!"
Will Rogers
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"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!"
Will Rogers
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Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth
Will Rogers
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"You can't say civilization isn't advancing; in every war they kill you in a new way."
Will Rogers
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"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
Will Rogers
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Will Rogers
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Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?"
Will Rogers
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On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does."
Will Rogers
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Elections are a good deal like marriages. There's no accounting for anyone's taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same with public officials.
Will Rogers
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The Democrats and Republicans are equally corrupt -- it's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.
Will Rogers
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I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money.
Will Rogers
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A fool and his money are soon elected.
Will Rogers
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We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.
Will Rogers
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You've got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one.
Will Rogers
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
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I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
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It must be nice to belong to some legislative body and just pick money out of the air.
Will Rogers
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A fool and his money are soon elected.
Will Rogers
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Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Will Rogers
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Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
Will Rogers
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The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.
Will Rogers
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About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
Will Rogers
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
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Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Roger
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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Will Rogers
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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers
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I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."
Will Rogers
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If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Will Rogers
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If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
Will Rogers
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It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
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Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
Will Rogers
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Will Rogers
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We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Will Rogers
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Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Will Rogers
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The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep - not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Will Rogers
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It takes nerve to be a Democrat. But it takes money to be a Republican
Will Rogers
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The Republican platform promises to do better. I don’t think they have done so bad. Everybody’s broke but them.
Will Rogers
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Democrats take the whole thing as a joke. Republicans take it serious but run it like a joke.
Will Rogers
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A flock of Democrats will replace a mess of Republicans. It won’t mean a thing. They will go in like all the rest of ’em. Go in on promises and come out on alibis.
Will Rogers
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Things are terribly dull now. We won’t have any more serious comedy until Congress meets.
Will Rogers
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If a man wants to stand well socially, he can’t afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the Republicans.
Will Rogers
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Republicans have always been the party of big business. The Democrats of small business. So you just take your pick. The Democrats have their eye on a dime and the Republicans on a dollar.
Will Rogers
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You could keep politics clean if you could figure out some way so your government never hired anyone.
Will Rogers
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The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes.
Will Rogers
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The truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that could happen to you.
Will Rogers
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A politician is just like a pickpocket. It’s almost impossible to get one to reform.
Will Rogers
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It is easier to fool ’em in Washington than at home. So why not be a Senator?
Will Rogers
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You know how Congress is. They’ll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
Will Rogers
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Elections are a good deal like marriages. There’s no accounting for anyone’s taste
Will Rogers
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It’s awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
Will Rogers
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George Washington was a politician and a gentleman. That’s a rare combination
Will Rogers
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Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U. S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.
Will Rogers
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This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it.
Will Rogers
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Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.
Will Rogers
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Once a man wants to hold a Public Office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.
Will Rogers
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There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics - only get the job and hold it.
Will Rogers
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Nothing will upset a state economic condition like a legislature. It’s better to have termites in your house than the legislature.
Will Rogers
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Slogan: Be a politician; no training necessary.
Will Rogers
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That’s the trouble with a politician’s life - somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
Will Rogers
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The Ways and Means Committee is supposed to find ways to divide up the means.
Will Rogers
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There is no race of people in the world that can compete with a senator for talking. If I went to the Senate, I couldn’t talk fast enough to answer roll call.
Will Rogers
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About being a U.S. Senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught there
Will Rogers
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I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.
Will Rogers
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The Democrats are having a lot of fun exposing the Republican campaign corruptions, but they would have a lot more fun if they knew where they could lay their hands on some of it themselves for next November.
Will Rogers
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So much money is being spent on the campaigns that I doubt if either man, as good as they are, are worth what it will cost to elect them.
Will Rogers
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Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
Will Rogers
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The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
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